Respect and belief
For weeks my young adults group at church were planning to to organize a talk on religious differences between Is lam and christianity, specifically educating and creating an awareness among our members on the differences between our religion and theirs. As I did not know much about the former religion, I decided to purchase a book on it, which would be fair and honest in its assessment and claims. I was recommended this book by my friend and I managed to read the entire book just in time for the discussion yesterday.
While there is much descrepencies in their religion, my thoughts for this entry is not to debate or debunk them. Everyone is and should be granted the freedom to religiously believe in their own creed. However I do think the problem arises when people confuse respect in belief.
Respect for one;s own religion does not automatically equate to belief. Doesn't mean that if I respect your religion, then I accept and believe whatever it is your religion preaches. And I think this is where the fundamental differences lies and much confusion and debate among believers themselves.
Respect and belief are verily two different things and they are certainly mutually exclusive. Hence the problem arises when people equate it to be the same ; when one religion superimposes its religious beliefs against another religion. That's when the issues start to creep in and the tensions arise.
But that's not what racial tolerance is all about. And this is where another confusion lays in society. When people talk about religion, they then begin to say things like "all religions are the same" and "all religions lead to the same path" and so own. While as nice as it sounds, making those statements are already crossing the "belief" line from the respect line. Suddenly you are equating my religion to yours, from a belief perspective and this is where it becomes a problem and gives rise to tension and hostility? Why? Because people are tempted to defend their faith, to make certain "corrections".
I think the best way to actually overcome this respect and belief paradox is to really know your own religion first. Without having a proper grasp of the authentic fundamentals that are taught in one's own religion, it gives room to debate and speculation and sadly, judgement and biasness. Knowing your own religion and living it faithfully without trying to impose it on others is a key to building a tolerant society.
Also, learning about other religions, not so much from a practice-belief scrutinizing perspective, but from a perspective of using the knowledge gained to further understand our neighbours will greatly help. Why? Because it gives us a sense of understanding as to why our neighbours do what they do. Man has always been afraid of the unknown and thus imposed upon themselves religious superstitious and folk tale to soothe their conscience, but now with books and the internet, it need not be the case anymore.
Yes sure, these things do take effort at the end of the day. After all why bother learning another religion's practices and beliefs? But I think by doing so, it allows us to really learn how to differentiate between respect and belief and that's crucial for any multicultural society to thrive.
Why do men cheat?
My friend once remarked to me about how there are more girls who are sincere then there are guys who are sincere when it comes to relationships and particularly matters of the heart. And the number of girls out there who are sincere in wanting a serious relationship sometimes does seem that is equivalent to the number of guys who just want to fool around. Otherwise how would you explain the number of stories you hear about girls, good sincere girls finding out their boyfriends cheated on them? It sure feels like something does add up when you think about it.
I started researching as to why guys cheat. I was curious to know what the experts felt and I was quite intrigued when I saw the top 9 reasons that men cheat. Of course some people of different quarters would argue that women too cheat as well and that they are no saints either, but we ALL know that the likely hood of a man to cheat is significantly higher.
And I think perhaps this phenomenon (where a study done which showed that 4 in 10 men cheat) would possibly could be attributed to the way society has viewed women, particularly the WAY society has allowed men to view women ; as mere objects of desire and lusts.
I mean how many times we have heard of a man who is considered to be accommodative and loving to his wife be labelled as "sissy" or "Mr Insensitive"? Heck I remembered when I was working in my early days , we used to joke around about how one of my married colleagues always had to ask his wife for "permission" to go out with his friends. Such guys we would often label them as being "domisticated" and not "a real man".
To me though, I think it takes ALOT more effort and energy to be loving and kind to your loved one. I didn't quite get this point until I saw my brother's own marriage and over the course of time I began observing his behaviour. At first it used to irk me to see that he would always need to get his wife's permission, but over time I saw that the relationship with his wife was actually quite healthy. They did have their disagreements, but often time they would be quite happy together (at least whenever I saw them). My brother once told me that "keep your wife happy, and everything will be just nice!", and this was even echoed in the latest Transformers movie where Witwiky Sr tells Witwiky Jr. to always keep the wife/girlfriend happy and things will be better.
But that's the difference in today's society. Men have kinda forgotten that. To them, the pursuit is always the fun part, but once the pursuit is over, things become boring and mundane. As the research from the article confirms, men begin to find sexual satisfaction outside of marriage.
It's not easy to maintain a marriage. As I am just humbly moving to my 4th month of my committed relationship, these are the truths that I am coming to terms with. But still I think that's where the effort needs to be there even more. And that's where men fail. To men, spending effort in emotional needs is a waste of time. However I think it's simply because men in general do not know how to communicate properly. To most men, a relationship is always a physical one, and yeah , definitely if your communication with your partner is just a physical one most of the time, it WILL get boring. It's quite sad sometimes when I see family men in the supermarket who look so jaded and bored. When I see their faces, I sometimes wonder, "is marriage that bad?"
And that's when I realise that marriage sometimes requires effort. It's not always gonna be fun and exciting. There will be periods of downtime, periods of quiet time, periods of sans physicality but it's important for us men not to give in to the temptation of looking elsewhere and playing with "fire".
Apart from just making it work, I also think it has got to do with who men mix with. Like they said, birds of the same feather flock together, so likewise it would be for men who would have friends of the same mindset. It won't rub off directly though, most of it would be in subtle manner. For example the kinda conversations that they have about relationships and women in general, the kinda movies they watch together. Eventually the kind of guy you become is actually a product of an environment that you are in. So picking out your married male buddies wisely I presume would help to some degree.
At the end of the day, nobody wants a failed marriage. Men by nature is not inherently evil. No man I believe would want to simply hurt their loved ones. But having said that, men should also have a greater responsibility in exercising judgement and choices.
Why ask for fire and burn your hands unnecessarily? You don't also want to burn it to much until you have to amputate it!
I’m back
Yeap after my one month long dissapearance I'm finally back! Had some issues with my blog but it's all back to normal! My account actually got hacked (or so I think, or maybe it's just some random unexplainable screwup in the server system) but whatever it is, I'm back and yippidee do it's good to be back alright. Hmm need to find how I can do autobackup (bi weekly) for this blog so that I can restore it whenever it goes down again in the future 
Note : This is a pre-dated post
