Academia « Uncanny Philosophy

31Mar/090

The feeling is something I’ve experienced before. I smell the air and I almost recognized it. My senses are somewhat calmed and I feel at peace. In front of me, long tables occupy the spaces. To the side, stacks of bookcases neatly piled up. I look around my environment. Students occupy some of the tables. Their academic arsenal strewn all over the table ; highlighters, pencils, correction pens, calculators, stacks of lecture notes, textbooks, some photocopied.

I smile to myself… it’s definitely that nostalgic feel alright.

I have mentioned before in my entries in the past ; I have always found the library to be a place of sanctuary – my sanctum ; and I have to credit this ‘sacred affection’ to my university days in Canada. It was being exposed to a REAL library which blossomed this affection and deep sense of appreciation for the library.

Having the day off, and not wanting to waste it, I decided that instead of working from home (yes, yours truly still had some unfinished (and never-will-finish) business with his work-related project) I would spend the whole day in the library.

Not to say I can’t study at home, but for some uncanny reason, I find home to be not an ideal place for me to study. Despite having all my facilities at home, I still thought it would be a wonderful feeling to rekindle that ‘library love’ again.

Well, I'm already into my 4th hour here and I still don’t feel compelled to leave, even though it’s close to lunch time. I have been engrossed with my work for more than 3 hours without much distraction (which is a real wonder for me considering I can rarely achieve this triumph feat if I were to study or work at home).

The library that I’m currently in right now is actually a university library. In the past, I have frequented only the local municipal libraries and the feeling is definitely poles apart. I can’t quite reason out the stark difference between a university and a municipal library, but I’m guessing it’s to do probably with the crowd – university library predominantly sprawled with uni students and municipal libraries, well more of grandparents with their grandchildren.

And perhaps again given my appreciative sense of academia, (I’ve named it my 3rd love after God and my family), I find the university library to be generally more appealing.

I have a fond fascination of narrating to people about why I love the library. Some find my fascination and affection for the library to be stupendous; some just call me a freak. Either way I can’t and won’t blame them at all. The library afterall is ‘boring’ if you think about it. There’s really nothing to do except read or study or work. No instrumental music to accompany the budding scholar as he works through his calculus assignment. There’s definitely no chatting allowed, which would definitely make things dull in the first place!

Aha, but that’s where everyone, or at least most people get it wrong. The library is more than just completing a task.

To use a simple anecdote, consider an aspiring or a professional footballer and a football pitch. When the footballer trains, in a way he is working ; he is there for an objective, perhaps to work on his dribbling skills or his physical stamina. Whatever it is, he is working. And he might just enjoy the particular activity he is undergoing. To him, being on the pitch is 2^nd nature, feeling the fresh air, or the warm sunshine radiating to his face ; yes it’s tiring and exhausting, it is frustrating when you find you’re missing your header passes or you’re not heading properly. But the very fact you’re trying hard to get better at your game, and because you’re in your ‘space’, you just love the whole feeling. The tiredness, the frustration, those are just part of it which makes the whole experience an intimate and passionate one.

Likewise the same applies to me in the library. Yes it is tiring to just keep on thinking and working, or frustrating when you’re trying to think of how to solve the problem. And yet, in the midst of the exhaustion and frustration, there is joy. Joy in the process of achieving something, be it whether its researching an term paper or writing an article there is joy.

4 years have already passed for me since I left my university days, but that nostalgic feeling still lingers on. In some ways its exciting, and in other ways it’s a relief. It’s exciting simply because I know the time is near for me to return to back to grad school and today being here in the library offers that ‘sneak-peak’ excitement that awaits me when I return back to my 3^rd love. It’s a relief because I still haven’t lost my forte. Granted that I’m not actually working on an academic project right now, but the heart and the determination is still there, despite being in the working world for quite some time now.

I’m just glad I got to experience this nostalgic moment today.

Tagged as: nostalgic memories of libary ; library experience Leave a comment here

26Jan/090

Of Patience, Passions and the Pursuit of the ‘Dream’ Part III

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But being a TA solely didn’t quite justify the whole reason for me to give some serious thought into academia. When I reflect back, I feel there’s another part of my university career which until recently I have not thought much of: My interaction with my peers. Toward the end of my schooling career, I was told by my junior peers that they regarded me as an intelligent and hardworking guy.

I acknowledged that commendation and I feel there is some justification in those recognition words. I loved interacting with peers who shared the same passion for the subjects and topics that I did in class. I still remember meeting one guy in my stats class who was I feel much more smarter than me and yet he was humble enough to work with me on solving difficult statistics assignments. We would often email each other whenever we could not solve the periodical assignments we were given. I still have those emails.

I also loved teaching and explaining concepts to my peers. As an economics major, I enjoyed explaining theories and concepts to my fellow peers during the mid semester exam periods. Until very recently, I had never realized that I loved teaching and explaining things to people. I had never imagined that I actually enjoyed the spirit of intellectual communion and fellowship.

One of the things I did as a final year TA for my students was actually posting up a ‘how to do well in this course!’ guide. It was a relatively simple guide but again, my love for scholarship and teaching was defined and molded in with the amalgamation of all those activities and university highlights I mentioned above. A journey of self discovery if you may, coupled with peer and external influence, and a deep sense of appreciation and love for scholarship is what lead me today.

As I re-read the recommendation letters my professors eloquently wrote for me, my heart resonates with joy, hope and determination. Two years ago my mom insisted that I make a scan of these letters and bring it to India to show my grandma. That glow in her face, as she read aloud the letters my professors had written to endorse me, I can never forget. The smile that she beamed when I told her that I want to become a professor one day has never left my memory.

It was an autumn day when I had the privilege to walk back with my professor to his car. It was my final semester in uni. I was already scouting the job market at home. He casually asked me what my plans were. He already knew by then of my desire to be a professor.

‘I think I want to take a break from studies and go and see the real world’.

‘Good…it will do you some good, it will give you the exposure…’ my professor replied.

‘But make sure you come back, don’t stay too long… it’ll be harder for you to return back to academia’.

I never forgot those last words… till today they still haunt my thoughts. They haunt because sometimes it’s difficult to just leave it all for the sake of scholarship.

But having said all that I said in these entries…. The only thing I can say now is: I’LL BE BACK!

Filed under: Academia, Life, me, People Leave a comment here

25Jan/090

Of Patience, Passions and the Pursuit of the ‘Dream’ Part II

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But then I remember how badly I want this. I would imagine the consequence of giving this pursuit up just because it’s using up too much time and it’s not even going to be a sure thing, as compared to where I am at now. And I feel I just can’t afford to give up. Not now, not just yet. Fondly reminisce to the days where I would sit down in my sanctum. The one place where I feel so protected and shielded from the worlds of consumerism and materialism; The one place where I can unleash my talents to the fullest; The one place where I feel truly at home.

There are probably many out there who would easily label the library as the ‘boringest place on earth’, but to me, it’s at the library where I discovered a lot of myself and my interest. It was in part because of the library I inspired to be more academically inclined. To me, the library, the source of wealth and knowledge became my second home. And to be honest, I only had this inkling only toward the middle and end of my university career.

Fast forward 4 years later, and I find myself seeking the same shelter I sought during my years as a student. This time, not at a university library. Instead I find myself seeking temporary relief in bookstores. Although it’s nowhere near close to being in an actual library (library has tones of sitting areas, tones of computer-aided searchable archives and catalogues), it does provide me some relief from the outside world.

Oh and being given the chance to be a teaching assistant for two years, an activity that played pivotal role in shaping up my future destiny is also something I hold close to my heart. Little did I know when I took that position nearly 5 years ago, it would actually pave way for my future ambitions. I really can’t accurately recall what got me interested in being a TA in the first place. I guess it was perhaps I enjoyed the subject and I did well in that particular class which naturally led the professor to selecting me and a bunch of other bright students to be his Teaching Assistants for the following semester.

I continued being a TA for that course until my last semester in the university. The relationship I had built with the professor has gone beyond the classroom and the workplace. I still remember being invited for my first ever Christmas party to his place. It was a monumental moment for me, a proud achievement in an uncanny way. Being able to mingle with his colleagues and peers, (although I didn’t have much to talk about except school) , was an eye-opener experience for me.

So this how professors mingle and interact with one another. This is how they live their social and personal lives.

That Nostalgic Feel

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Of Patience, Passions and the Pursuit of the ‘Dream’ Part III

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Of Patience, Passions and the Pursuit of the ‘Dream’ Part II

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